We have all been there, terribly conflicted on whether to stay or leave a relationship. Sometimes we see a red flag and we are not sure if it was a one time thing or that is really who the person we love is. Ask even people who are married and if they are honest with you they will tell you that they have packed their bags many times – mentally and sometimes, for real. So, to stay or not to stay? Last time we looked at good reasons to leave a relationship. Today we go in the opposite direction; here are bad reasons to leave a relationship.
You’ve been fighting: When you start out being in love, nothing your man can do will upset you. In your eyes, your girl is perfect. At some point though you have a fight, then another. At this point there are people who think “whoa, this should not be happening. This is not real love.” Let me stop you right there. Conflict is part of all relationships. The only time there is no conflict is where one person (or both) is pretending. Conflict is a good way to see your differences and if handled correctly, can grow your love even deeper. So don’t head for the door at the first sign of a disagreement. Instead, use it as a way to further understand your partner and what makes him or her who they are. Caution: If the times you are fighting are more than those you are happy you need to have a candid conversation and find out what’s going on.
You are not in love anymore: The media has taught us that when we are in love we feel a certain way. What they forget to mention is that those feelings are usually caused by a hormone which means sometimes they are there and sometimes they are not. These feelings are a terrible thing to use as the basis for your decision making. It is said that love is a decision. That is why we say wedding vows. You think when your partner is sick and in bed you always have those love feelings? No. Does that mean you leave? Absolutely not. Learn to stick it out.
You like someone else: Just because you are dating or even married does not mean you will not encounter other amazing people. People don’t stop being attractive just because you got hitched. You know what, you will still get hit on –sometimes more than when you were single. It is now your job to guard your heart. If you notice you’re starting to like someone, stay away from them and stay committed to your partner.
Your partner doesn’t like everything you like: Here’s the thing, there are similarities that make us gravitate together. But our differences also attract us to each other. When your excitement wears off from a new relationship these differences sometimes become irritating. At that time we start thinking “why can’t you be more like me?” Understand this, your partner is not you, they never will be. They won’t like everything you like. Enjoy the differences, they spice up life.
He/ She doesn’t do as you Say: Your partner is not a pet, they are a human being with opinions and the power to think. As such they will not do (or stop doing) something just because you said so. A relationship where a person does everything the other wants is called slavery and there is no love there. If you always want your partner to obey you, that is your issue. Deal with it instead of storming out of the relationship.
Your partner doesn’t always make you happy: Love is a beautiful thing, but you need to realize that a relationship doesn’t exist JUST to make you happy. It is not the answer to everything, nor is it an escape from all issues of life. A partner should be a great support in your life, but you are still responsible for yourself, for accomplishing your individual goals and for keeping yourself happy. Requiring your partner to fulfill all your needs and make you happy is giving them too much pressure. Instead, work on yourself instead of leaving.
Boredom: I know you are thinking, who can break up just because they are bored? I mean who is that petty? Wait until you’ve been married X years and you feel like you are in a rut. The routines and stresses of life take a toll on you and at some point you feel like you’re just roommates. But instead of leaving, look for ways to reignite the spark. Start going for date night, catch a movie together. Whatever you do, don’t leave because you’re bored.
He/she has changed: We all change and evolve. Expecting that someone stay a certain way is being unreasonable. Even you have changed. Unless that person has become abusive or harmful, the regular change is something you can handle.
Focus on career: We sacrifice many relationships at the altar of career. Some people will leave the country for years, others will work until late and throughout weekend. It may be cliche to say but nobody at their deathbed wished they’d worked more. Focus on your relationships.
These are some bad reasons to leave a relationship. Majority of these are petty and just require us to work on ourselves. If you are always leaving relationships the issue is not all those people, it is you. Look within and mature so you are not always running away from situations.
Author: Wanjiru Kihusa
I am Wanjiru Kihusa and I’m a writer and founder of Still A Mum – an organization that seeks to reduce maternal and newborn deaths in Africa. I am especially passionate about women and children.
I blog to share my thoughts and experiences hoping that in the process someone will learn from my life.