Growing up I had a thing for Neyo. Stop rolling your eyes. Like any teenager I was allowed to have a crush on a musician. Well I chose Neyo. And I listened to all his music. I actually had a huge Neyo poster in my room at some point in my early 20s. So it’s natural that I know almost all his songs by heart. Now I have heard the “Go on girl” song countless times but yesterday the lyrics hit me harder than usual.
I have been thinking about love and common sense for a while now. I was talking with a friend on how common sense goes out of the window the moment we fall in love. What is it about love that makes us completely lose it? Most of us admit that we have dated people whom when we look back we wonder “what was wrong with me?” It is almost like someone bewitched us. We have been with people who treated us badly but we stayed longer than we should have. For those wondering what I’m talking about take a look at these lyrics.
I can’t get it back, but I don’t want it back
I’ve realized that she don’t know how to act
Never been a dumb dude, no I’m not dense
I just had a slight lack of common sense
I was the good guy, she was the bad girl
I’m thinking one girl, she thinking me, Earl, James and Jimmy
Yep she had plenty
But love for me, she didn’t have any
I was inviting her into my heart
But she was out riding in some other man’s car
She was my night time, thought I was her star
Guess I was wrong but see I’m strong
Won’t take long for me to move on
Please don’t worry ’bout me I’m fine
Only gonna play the fool one time
Trust me when I say that I’ll be okay
Go on girl, go on girl, go on girl
This song hits too close home for many of us. We have been (or are in) relationships that we cannot proudly explain. We are with people we shouldn’t be with. There really is absolutely no reason why we should be with them. But we are still there. Because love and common sense are like water and paraffin. I used to be in a relationship like that. To date when I look back I am embarrassed about that part of my life. He was bad for me and I knew it. And unfortunately I took longer to leave than I should have. I finally managed to cut my losses and that is what I want to share with you. Looking back this is what I did to finally leave. I hope this helps anyone who is stuck in a crappy relationship.
Admit you had a moment of foolishness: Honesty is the start of any change. I admitted that I was in the relationship for purely chemistry reasons (it was shallow but it was the truth). He was hot and I was weak. I looked at my life and I admitted like Neyo that even though I’m not dense I had a lapse of common sense. However, soberness must prevail, you can’t be dense forever. Honestly evaluate what is keeping you with them. Is it fear that you won’t be loved by another? Is it that they are charming and you can’t resist it? Be honest. Knowing the power they have on you will help you break away.
Go on, leave: Don’t agree to be the fool too long. Recover your common sense. Regain your self-esteem, remind yourself how awesome you are. Then summon all your strength and leave. If you feel you need help and accountability from a friend ask for it. They will keep you from changing your mind and calling him/her. Break ups are hard but you will get through it. One day they will no longer have power over you.
Play the fool one time: Don’t get into a cycle. One stupid relationship is enough. From now on get into a relationship with a sober head. Put your feelings aside and watch out for relationship deal breakers. Focus on character. Pray for wisdom. Speak to a few close and sober friends before you make a decision.
Author: Wanjiru Kihusa
I am Wanjiru Kihusa and I’m a writer and founder of Still A Mum – an organization that seeks to reduce maternal and newborn deaths in Africa. I am especially passionate about women and children.
I blog to share my thoughts and experiences hoping that in the process someone will learn from my life.