I have a couple of authors I look out for whenever I get my copy of the Newspaper; Kate Getao (Flakes) and Bikozulu (Man talk) in the Saturday nation. I also love reading Josaya (Fatherhood) and Karimi Gitahi (Wifespeak) in the Living section of the Wednesday Daily Nation. I read the columns by these writers because they are funny yet very candid. When you’re done laughing, you take a point with you.
Last Wednesday, I was caught off-guard by Karimi’s piece. It was titled, “No, my husband is certainly not my best friend”. My first reaction was, this can’t be right. Of course my husband is my best friend. Then I read her article to the end and now I agree with her. Karimi is of the opinion that a girl’s best friend is another girl. You need a girl who you can discuss fashion, hairstyles and make-up for hours. A best friend is someone who can criticize your outfit openly and go ahead to suggest a better one.
I have to agree with Karimi on this one. A conversation with my husband about what I should wear usually lasts an average of three minutes. It usually goes something like this:
Me: <moving around and checking out all angles> Baby, how do I look?
Me: Fine does not count as a word when describing things. You have to use a descriptive word.
Husband: Ah, you look, nice.
Me: <Trying not to be exasperated> Does this blue top match with this skirt?
Husband: <blank stare>
And that my friends is the end to that conversation 🙂
Last week, my girlfriend Cynthia came to visit. I was especially thrilled because she was staying a couple of days. On one of those days, we decided to go to Brackenhurst Limuru. As we were preparing to leave, Cynthia looked at my outfit and went, “that is dull. I thought you said you’ll be wearing more color.”
Needless to say, she made me change and wear a dress that I had never won since I bought it (ahem). She then went ahead to fix my hair and suggest accessories for the dress. That day I wore make up. <This is the part you stand up and clap>. My friends know that I don’t wear makeup at all – I nearly refused to wear make up on my wedding day!
See the difference between the conversation with my husband and with Cynthia. Worlds apart is what those conversations are. I agree with Karimi, in this aspect, my husband is not my best friend.
I will however add a twist to this. There are ways in which my husband is a best-friend to me that my friends are and cannot be. There is a way I’m vulnerable with him that I cannot be with my friends. There are conversations I can only have with him. There are ways only he can cater to me – I’m not talking about sex here but it applies as well 🙂
Here is an example: When we lost the baby, he catered to me both physically and emotionally. He comforted me in a way my girlfriends could not. Much as they tried, my friends could not identify with my pain. My husband knew just how devastated I was because he felt the pain too. We are one; so my pain is his pain. In this aspect, my husband is my best friend.
The verdict? I have two best friends. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that!
Author: Wanjiru Kihusa
I am Wanjiru Kihusa and I’m a writer and founder of Still A Mum – an organization that seeks to reduce maternal and newborn deaths in Africa. I am especially passionate about women and children.
I blog to share my thoughts and experiences hoping that in the process someone will learn from my life.