There is no love in marriage. No romance. No happiness. No excitement. There is nothing in marriage. Marriage is an empty box that has absolutely nothing in it. It is filled with things the people in it put in. Marriage is what the people in it make it. If you see anger, hatred and disrespect in marriage, people put it there. If you see love, kindness and support know that these things didn’t come with the marriage; the husband and wife put them there.
So what is marriage you ask. I say it is having someone to witness life with you. Someone with whom you can do life together. Full stop. What the two of you chose to make of it is your business. You can make a beautiful union that people look at and desire or you can make it so horrible the people who see you don’t ever want to get married. Your choice. Your decision.
Let me bring it closer home. To the artists, it is like being given a new canvas to paint. Fresh with no stains. For those of us who love writing, it is the sight a blank word document or a blank sheet of paper if that’s your thing. You can do anything with it. You can produce a masterpiece or an ugly doodle 🙂 Your choice. It is like being given an acre of land in Kitale, fertile and full of potential. You can make it a green haven full of crops and livestock or you can turn it into an unsightly wasteland. Again, your choice.
I say this to those who hear horrible stories on Classic 105 about people who are miserable in their marriages and wonder whether there is anything good left in marriage. I say this to all those who are disillusioned by the divorce statistics worldwide. I say this to those who are about to get into marriage with a myriad of expectations, those who think marriage is the solution to a bad life, the answer to all your problems. Here is my answer; marriage is what you make it.
If you are single, change your perception of marriage. Approach it with excitement and enthusiasm. Decide now that you will make your marriage awesome and fun. Choose to be a great partner. Know that you will have to not always have your way so cast aside your selfishness. Prepare yourself by being kind and considerate to those around you. Realize that parenthood is no small task. Build your character so that you have lots of good things to bring to the marriage.
If you are married and feeling like you got a raw deal, take a sober look at things. Chances are you are to blame as much as your partner is. Chances are you have not been pulling your weight, you’ve been expecting your partner to make you happy. Have an honest talk with the love of your life. Agree to start afresh. To press the reset button. Start a new page well aware of what you both have to do to make your marriage amazing.
I am not a marriage expert. I’m just a young wife learning as I go. I have decided I want a marriage where only death will do us part. I have chosen to pick the good things I have seen my folks do. To look at my friends who’ve been married longer than I have and see how they do it. I have decided early on that I will make my marriage lovely and amazing. You can decide that too. Remember, marriage, like life, is nothing in itself; it is what you make it.
Author: Wanjiru Kihusa
I am Wanjiru Kihusa and I’m a writer and founder of Still A Mum – an organization that seeks to reduce maternal and newborn deaths in Africa. I am especially passionate about women and children.
I blog to share my thoughts and experiences hoping that in the process someone will learn from my life.