Do you have fears? Of course you do. What I should be asking is -what are your fears? What keeps you awake at night? I’m not talking about fearing you’ll wake up late and miss the meeting at work. No. I’m talking about those deep seated fears that you have trouble telling people. Those things that you think about just before you fall asleep. Or in my case, in the shower – I know I’m not the only one who thinks deeply and makes plans in the shower so don’t judge.
I have several fears. I worry about my life. I worry that I made a wrong decision not to go back to work and instead focus on this blog. I worry about my marriage – this thing is difficult for all us and just because I write about mine does not mean it is conflict free. Out of all these worries though, there is one that lingers more. One that hangs on longer than the rest. I fear I may never get children. Just thinking about it leave alone saying it (or writing it in this case) scares me. I have had 2 miscarriages and for some reason even after recovering, I have not been able to conceive. I fear that my mom is old and I have not given her any grandchildren (even after being the first one to get married). I fear even though they don’t say it, my in-laws are disappointed. [Read more…]